Movie: Spring Breakers

Springbreakers

WTF!
Seriously?

I had some idea that this movie was going to be a bit out there, but this movie was so OUT THERE that I left it feeling GRIMEY.

First! This movie right here?  Great movie for dirty old men who have teen girl fantasies.  Not teen girls who look like they are in their twenties or thirties.  We are talking about young women who look like they are still in high school, perhaps 15?  Except for that VERY BABY FACED exception, Selena Gomez who looks like she is still 12!

Alright, I am going to leave the reactive side of my opinion and be a little bit more objective.  Here goes.

This movie follows four college girls who save all year to go on a Spring Break trip but realize they don’t have enough money.  Three of the girls hatch a plan to violently rob a restaurant with squirt guns and hammers they liberally use slamming and breaking things as they go terrorizing the patrons.  With their take, they have enough money to go on Spring Break in style.  While there they get arrested along with other hotel partiers at a bust where cocaine was found.  They are bailed out by a local drug dealer-small time local rapper played by a believable and extra grimey James Franco – for reelz. 

I wish I could say this is where the movie loses a gasket, like some reviews mention.  But if anyone thinks a group of teen girls robbing a restaurant with squirt guns and hammers is NORMAL then you’ve got issues.  If you think going on a Spring Break trip and engaging in blackout type drinking, snorting copious amounts of cocaine, surrounded by an orgiastic group of sex-crazed revelers is, you know, a healthy fun release from the boredom of everyday, well –DAMN, here I am being JUDGMENTAL AGAIN.

OH WELL.

I am not going to reveal the ending, or the twists this movie takes.  But I am just going to say that I am not against sex, or violence, in movies.  It doesn’t even have to be tasteful or artful, but there should be a point, like a good one.  This just seemed GRIMEY all around.  The almost unrecognizeable Vanessa Hudgens is so grimey, that honestly I think her career jumped the shark.  This isn’t “edgy.”  It looks sad and tacky.  The Jennifer Lawrence look-alike actress with a weak chin, who I will not even bother to look up her name, if she does any other films of note, then I will be surprised.  (Curiosity got me, and it turns out she is the director’s wife and is 26.  So, I guess she will have a role in all of her husband’s movies!)  Ashley Benson, the short-haired blond…eh, there isn’t much to say.  What I will say is that it is Vanessa Hudgen’s and Ashley Benson’s characters that stick around for the unbelievable ending.  Not a whoah, but WTF ending.  I spent half the movie waiting for it to end, and the last 10 minutes, I kept turning to my friend and asking “how the F did this happen and not…”  It was that kind of movie.

James Franco can do a role like this not just because he is a dude (double standard I don’t agree with), but because he has established himself as a consumate aritst, who emerses himself in his roles.  His grimey, idiotic “Alien” character will be a comedic trivia question, a footnote in his career.  But Vanessa Hudgen’s and Ashely Benson’s role? Ha.  I just don’t see how this won’t be a “Show Girls” level debacle for them, like it was for “Jessie Spano” of Saved by the Bell.  Selena Gomez will be spared because she was the only one smart enough to leave before the real shit goes down.  But her character was just as dumb with some of the dumbest lines ever.  Spring Break is not a place to find yourself.  It is not the place where dreams are made of.  Perhaps the target age for this movie are dirty old men and young, vapid teenagers. 

I don’t think this is worth watching but if curiosity gets you, wait for DVD.

What to expect?  Naked breasts everywhere, including as a serving platter to snort coke off of, fellating popsicles, frat-style drunken debauchery, tacky threesome, fellating guns, vapid, idiotic lines, tons of ass shots of the actresses – unnecessarily, and the most idiotic ending.  How do you get a direct hit, but avoid tons of fleshy skin elsewhere!!!

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9 comments

  1. I’m pretty curious about this movie just because James Franco is in it (I have a MAJOR crush on him! LOL) and because everybody talks about it. I know, though, not to expect a “good” movie! :/
    I’m prepared to all kinds of weirdness, though (even if I’ve never ever been on spring break and, honestly, here in Italy we don’t slightly know what that means! :P)

    • In the U..S. everyone knows what Spring Break means, or the kind of things that can go down, basically a younger version of what happens in vegas stays in vegas. Franco was surprisingly good if creepy.

      • Yeah, I’ve heard about US Sping Break thanks to tv shows and movies! I still remember the Chandler from Friends saying “Spring break wohooo” LOL.

    • Whatever artistic element was in it, whether acid bright colors, repetitve lines looped like an electronica/dance track, looped images – could not save this sexploitation/hedonistic girls gone wild acid trip. Constant shots of the actresses asses underwater, above ground, upside down in hallways, naked boobs everywhere, coked out hotel orgies with frat/soro-like images of college students and their peer drugdealers, as well as a very cheesy, awkward, cringe-inducing pool threesome…I was seriously annoyed as I walked out of the theatre. The fact that these actresses all looked like adolescents kicked up the cringe factor.

  2. Sigh. I find movies like these not only tacky, but also insulting. I mean, do people really enjoy this? And that sounds majorly bitchy! But I can’t ever imagine myself watching this and hooting and clapping of laughter and excitement at how funny and “real” the movie is. I’ve never been into those “crude” movies (not a proper word to describe them but I know you know which ones I mean). Like you said, I don’t mind sexuality or violence as long as there is a point to it. I hate leaving a movie theater feeling annoyed or offended instead of inspired or entertained.


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